It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
