I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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