State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
