i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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