I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
