How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
