do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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