how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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