Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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