90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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