I could make wine with my vomit
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
