Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
