She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So many bounce houses so little time
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will pee on everything he values.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
