you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
