the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
