how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
