I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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