This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
