Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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