why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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