i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
