Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
