I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
