we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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