My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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