think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
