dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He? As in you personified your dick?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
