Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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