Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Drunk is not a location!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
