I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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