Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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