My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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