I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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