3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
