"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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