Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
