everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
