I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
