Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
did you just send me my own nude
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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