I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
