You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
