i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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