Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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