i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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