We won't sleep together?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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