I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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