My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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