my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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