Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
