We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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