Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Text me some of your sweat
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